I’m pleased to share the next conversation in this project, this time with the lovely Southampton-based vocalist, Lani Hopuare. Lani gives some insights into what it’s like being in more than one band, as well as, quite impotantly, what it’s like to be in a band when you’re a parent, and more specifically, a mother.

Would you like to introduce yourself?

I am Leilani, or everyone calls me Lani.

How long have you been doing music, Lani?

Music's been a part of my life since I can remember. My dad was a musician, so I’ve been surrounded by it all my life. I followed him round to gigs and open mics, all that sort of stuff, and then I took it up more seriously. I did it at school and have always written music and performed at little festivals, little local fates here and there, but in the last maybe four years or so, I just bit the bullet and said I'm going to go out there and just perform. It doesn't matter who I'm performing to or what I'm doing, I'm just going to do what I can. You know, see what bands are out there on sites that need singers or anything like that, but yeah, I've always loved music and have had at least something to do with it. You know those little xylophone toys kids get? I remember I used to have one of those, with the coloured keys. There was only, like, five or six little keys, that sort of thing. I must have been about six when I had it. I'd write in my book each colour and come up with a little tune, then write the colours and make up some lyrics and along to it.

Oh, that's sweet!

So I've always loved writing songs and music, but because I had quite bad insecurities and stage fright through my teenage years, it made it hard. I always wanted to go out there and do it, and it wasn't until I kind of got past that, I just said, screw it, you know. Let's do it anyway. Who really cares?

You've really just got to be like that, haven't you in this business? And just get on with it.

Exactly.

You’re currently in two bands, one of which is fully formed and one of which is in the process of. What are the bands, and how do they differ? What's your role in both of them?

I sing in both of them. They are two very different bands to each other. I mean, there's definitely ways in which they cross over, but essentially they're very different, but one of the bands I'm in, DivEz, is a mixture of genres, but it's very kind of punky, rocky, very kind of British punk sort of thing. Very upbeat, fast, like you're going to get a crowd going, you're going to get a crowd moshing sort of thing. It's very fun ‘go for it’ sort of music. The intention is that hopefully everyone's going to be jumping up and down having a good time. As long as people still jump at gigs nowadays haha. Not everyone does. The other band I'm in that we're currently forming doesn’t have a name yet. Still in the baby stages of getting it together. But that’s very much more funky, a little bit souly. You can either dance, have a little groove to it, or you can have a little sway. Less ‘heavy’ than DivEz. It's a little bit sexy. We're getting a saxophone in that band, so that kind of tells you what sort of vibe we're going for. Sax just makes anything sound so good! So it's exciting how different they are. I'm excited to have fun with both of them in different ways.

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Yes that must be a fun mix to play! And you're the only woman in both bands?

Yes. So far? Yep, I am.

Has that always been the case with previous bands you’ve been in too?

Yeah. I had one band in my teenage years where we had a female drummer for a little bit but that was short-lived. Just trying to get people to do anything when you're a teenager is so hard.

Different priorities, I guess!

Yes exactly, but other than that I've always been the only girl in the band.

How do you find that?

In some ways it's fun because obviously you stick out, especially when you're going to gigs where either you're the headliner or a supporter or whatever, and most other bands are just fully male bands, so you're something a little bit different, but it's definitely interesting being surrounded by men, all the time. We're very different. It's fun and it's hard at the same time but you just roll with it, I guess.

Yeah of course, as long as you're having fun.

Exactly. That's the main thing. All the guys I've always been in bands with have always been a lovely group of guys. I'm really lucky and I haven't really had any issues with any of them. With musicians it’s going to be tricky sometimes, but I've had a really good experience with everyone so far.

That’s great to hear, and you've been playing around Southampton quite a lot over the years, haven’t you? Whilst we were talking previously you mentioned you played in Hastings. Have you played much more around the country, or is it keeping it fairly local?

We played in London a couple of times, and we also played in Portsmouth, but otherwise it's mostly kind of the same sort of area. Oh, we played in Horsham as well. That was an interesting gig, very random. It was honestly one of the most odd gig experiences I've ever had. In fact, the band I was in at the time, our bassist wrote a song about it because it was so bizarre.

What happened? I feel like you have to tell us now!

It was just so… it wasn't in a music venue. It was in a worker men's club type thing, and I don't know how to explain it, but as soon as we walked in there, all of us were like, why does this feel so weird? The doors opened the wrong way. Some of the people we came across were just some of the most interesting characters. We did all get really high beforehand, so that probably didn't help anything haha. That probably didn't help matters, but we laughed about it afterwards. It wasn't a bad gig, it was just a bizarre one.

Have you noticed whether any of the local scenes differ as to where you play? Do you feel like the vibe is different depending on where you’re playing?

There's such different vibes in different areas. Some of my favourite gigs were in The Hobbit in Southampton, but I think partly it was because we were fairly known in the area, so it was a brilliant vibe because we had lots of people there and it really makes such a difference when you have more of a crowd, it just creates an amazing atmosphere anyway. The Hastings gig was really nice, just because there was such a friendly bunch of people. I'd never even been there before, but the venue was really, really cool, and the Fighting Cocks in London was actually another really good one. The crowd we had there was so good, they proper got into it.

Yeah, they seem to get going a bit more in London.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, maybe they were all just really drunk, but either way they seem to really enjoy themselves.

Has your experience of being in the music industry always been fairly positive, or have you had some challenges along the way?

The music industry, I think, is just so challenging. It can be anyway. It's so brutal. I think it's definitely a bit harder kind of coming in as a woman anyway, like it is with so many industries. Most of the time, I found that everyone I work with, all the sound guys and stuff at the venues, they're all really friendly. I never have issues with anyone in terms of that. I think it's just harder being taken more seriously, and you have such a specific role that people want you to fill as a female in the music industry. Men can do what they want. Girls have to look the part and sound the part and act the part and play the sort of music people want to hear. It's getting better, but it's definitely kind of more restricted for what women can do and what's accepted by women to do than it is for men - they have free reign and don't have to look good all the time, they don't care. No one else cares.

It's such a massive part. It sounds so silly and ridiculous, but girls have to look so good and put so much effort into looking good for gigs and shoots and all sorts of things, which I just think is something that men don't ever really have to worry so much about. Obviously, you put a lot of pressure on yourself with how you sound and your music, and then there's the extra pressure on top of it with looks as well. So I think that's probably something that is more difficult for women in the industry, but... I wouldn't say I've had too many issues with anything else. It's been fun.

That’s really good to hear. I know what you’re saying though, as some girls have a really hard time with people as you say, almost not accepting what they do, for example when you get the girls that scream in heavy metal bands, for some reason people don't always think that's right or that it’s not really them.

I think it's actually so much better now. Within the last few years, we've suddenly got these rock and metal and alt-rock female-fronted bands like Spiritbox and others like that that have come out and they're doing so well. So it's definitely getting better, but if you think back to when we were teens, you had... Hayley Williams. Hayley Williams and Amy Lee from Evanescence as well, but it was very limited, and then you either fill those roles or, you know, no one wants a female screamer in a metal band, or you fill those roles and people go, you're just copying Hayley Williams and Paramore, and you just think, well what am I meant to do?

It's almost like a bit of a lose-lose situation.

Exactly. You can't win. So just fuck it. Do it anyway, and the right people will follow.

There's quite a lot of female singers around. Have you worked with many other women in different roles? Any venues with female sound tech, lighting tech, or other?

I have come across maybe, like, two female sound techs, which is better than nothing, and actually it's really good - the guitarist of the band I was in before, Call of Sirens, who arranged all our gigs and got us out there would always make sure we'd have some gigs where we were performing with other female-fronted bands, which was great. One of them was Cypher. Cypher are really cool, so I'm lucky enough to have performed alongside some really cool female-fronted bands as well, but to be honest, other than that, in terms of lighting and sound and all that sort of thing, I have not really come across many other girls in that sense.

Just quickly going back to talking about lineups. Do you find it's got a different vibe to when you're on a line-up as the only woman, to when there's other bands with women in?

Yeah, absolutely. For a start it attracts a very different audience. So, I mean, a lot of the times, anyway, the audience is very male-heavy but if it's all-male bands and me, it's definitely a very different atmosphere to if there's some female-fronted bands there as well.

Can you elaborate on the difference in atmosphere?

It's just a bit more aggressive, maybe? I mean, I love to go and talk to people after gigs anyway, so I've met loads of really cool guys and girls. Actually, one of my favourite things ever is when we finish our set, I'll come off stage and I get the girls coming up to me being so positive and complimentary, and well, just people being lovely generally, but it means so much more to me when the girls come up and tell me how much they enjoyed it because it feels good, you know, if they're wanting to pursue music or whatever to be able to encourage and inspire them. That always makes me really happy. Going back to the general atmospheres though, in terms of the atmosphere with an all-male line-up, I wouldn't say I feel uncomfortable or unsafe, but tending to be one of the very few females there, it’s always a little bit intimidating, but the guys in the other bands are normally always really lovely, even if they look really mean and intimidating haha.

I think that's the thing, isn't it, it's not even that you feel like those people would be horrible because I'm sure that they are all absolutely lovely, but there's something about having another girl in the room from a working point of view, not just having women in the audience, but actually working with another female. There's definitely some sort of comfort in that.

Yeah, definitely. It definitely makes you feel, I mean, you know, even if the other blokes are super lovely, it's nice to have another girl there because you can support each other in a way that only girls can support each other. So it definitely is more of a comfort to have another woman there, for sure.

How long were you with Call of Sirens?

A few years I was with them.

And how long have you been with your current band?

I met the guys in The DivEz a few months ago so not long! The other band was taking so long to get going and I really felt like I needed something that's all ready to go basically, and as much as I love what comes with forming your own band, for example you have more say in what you're doing and what you want from it and all that sort of stuff, but it’s great when you can also just get going with just playing music you know? So I met the other guys a few months ago, and we’ve had a couple of gigs the last couple of months.

Are you already playing original songs for this?

Yes, I kind of went in there similarly to how I did with Call of Sirens, with stuff they already had, and then we're going to start writing stuff together, but for now we’ve made a set list with stuff they already have so we can get out gigging and just crack on, and then work on the new material behind the scenes.

Maybe it's a bit too early to say, but what's the sort of process in terms of songwriting for the band? Do you specifically come up with the lyrics?

Yeah, so for the funky band we have the drummer and myself, and used to be the bassist, we're kind of all jamming together. Like one of us would come up with a little funky riff or like a little verse into a chorus on a guitar or on the bass sort of thing, and then where I feel most comfortable in terms of writing songs is I write the lyrics and the melody over the top of whatever they've come up with. Sometimes one of us will chuck a little funky riff we’ve come up with into the WhatsApp group too, and then I'll come up with a little something over the top of it and we'll get in the room for a band rehearsal and just jam it out. Normally something is just birthed magically haha, which is the best way, when it comes so easy, you feel like you’re really on to something. You don't have to force it, which has been really good because everything we've written so far has come so easily which is exciting.

Do you write about any particular things or themes?

I really only write about personal experiences or personal feelings, things I've been through or am going through because that's where it's like my outlet. So, you know, like how you'd write a diary, it's just putting that into a song almost, and when you get to sing it on stage, it feels even better because it's like another way to get it out. In Call of Sirens, we wrote about quite abstract sort of themes so that's probably the only time where they've been like, hey, can you write about this? And I've not written about personal experiences but ideas they’ve come up with. Other than that, if it's me writing a song, it'll always be from something that I've been through or am going through or something I'm feeling, yeah.

And is that what you're bringing into the bands now?

Yes, so with DivEz, a lot of their songs are quite political and when I started with them, Rob the guitarist said they'd love to get some of it from a female perspective because obviously we can't write about what it's like to be a woman in the world. So they thought it'd be exciting to get me writing something about what it's like for me as a woman.

So that's really nice, really positive in itself, that they want to know and share from your perspective too.

Exactly. Yeah, it's really good.

Can I ask what the song is about that you’re talking about?

My take on it is essentially what it's like to be a woman trying to just survive and thrive in a world made by men, for men. But not standing for shit and saying what they don’t like hearing… it’s just a big ‘fuck you’, basically. I like writing songs about love and all that sort of thing, but I also like writing songs that say fuck that shit, i’m not standing for it. It’s a bloody cheesy name but it’s called Fighter and should be released on spotify soon with any luck!

Haha I love that. There is power through the music. Now you are not only a musician but you’re also a Mum, which must bring it’s own challenges when working as a musician too. How many kids have you got?

Just one - my son! I had him young but I’m glad I did because I love being able to keep up with him - that's definitely a benefit! There's a reason he's a drummer. He's a mad child with loads of energy, so it takes a lot to keep up with him haha so I need the energy!

It's nice to hear that he's got into music as well, taking after you. What is it like being a Mum and being in bands?

It's incredibly difficult, and can be incredibly infuriating. Of course I wouldn't change having my little boy for the world and I'm so lucky really because both bands I'm in are absolutely fine with having him around, so on the evenings where I've got to go to rehearsals on weekdays he can come with me. He's learning to play drums so he loves seeing how it's all done and everything like that, and he's been to a few sound checks, which he just thinks is super cool. It's fun because that's exactly what I used to do as a kid with my Dad. So I'm lucky in terms of band practices, but when it comes to gigging you have to find childcare, because I don't have his Dad around. You have to find who can have him - can he go to his dad's or if not, can he go to a Grandparents and then there’s a guilt that comes with that, if you're doing anything for yourself. Unfortunately I've come across that so often, you know, from all sorts of people being told that you have to make sacrifices as a Mum, but men are not told the same thing. Dads are allowed to go off and do a lot more. They can have evenings where they're doing band practices or gigs because the Mums are more than likely always the one that are at home with the kids because that's just how it is. So when it comes to me trying to do my thing it just seems so much harder. Most of the guys I've been in bands with have kids, but they seem to very rarely struggle to get out and do something that they love. So actually for me that is probably one of the biggest differences and struggles that I've come across doing music. Feels like a real big double standard a lot of the time - with how much more women seem to have to sacrifice than men.

That’s understandable. In terms of the gigging and touring then, in that sense I suppose it’s easier for you to stay local because you're not having to travel so far, but when it does come to doing those further away gigs or tours even, do you have limits on what you can do?

A lot of the time it’s almost trying to arrange it around when I can. Obviously sometimes gigs come up that you don't want to say no to because it's a really good opportunity or a really good gig, or somewhere you've always wanted to play, so I'll normally find a way to make it work. It can be hard but I don't want to miss this opportunity, you know, so I'm going to make it happen. So a lot of the time I'll arrange bigger gigs we’ve got like a Friday or Saturday gig, on a weekend where he's with his Dad, but it is difficult trying to work around it all. And honestly it’s the guilt as a mum that’s a killer. I'm excited for when he's old enough where he can just come with me! That'll be brilliant for me and for him - I want him to get to experience it too like I did with my Dad!

It seems that music is in your blood, what with your Dad being a musician too - it’s obviously running in the family! How does he feel about it all at the moment, for example when he comes to your rehearsals or a sound check, or hears your music?

He's kind of at that age where he just plays it off, he’s not bothered, you know. He's just about to go to secondary school so he acts like he's all cool, he's not bothered by it, and then I'll catch him when he doesn't know I'm listening, say if he's playing games with his friends, and I’ll hear him say “hey listen to this song” and he'll pull up my old band on Spotify and play it for his friends. So then I know he does think it’s cool haha. He won't tell me but he does. One of his favorite bands is Bring Me The Horizon, so I'm really excited to take him to his first Bring Me The Horizon gig! He'll be 12 next year so if they play anywhere I can take him, we’ll be there!

It's a shame that you couldn't take him to the Bournemouth one earlier in the year.

I was looking at that one but it’s hard to see what venues accept what aged kids you know? Sometimes they won’t take anyone under 14, but then sometimes they'll take under 14s with an adult, or only in seating, that type of thing.

Yes those tighter restrictions don’t help! Well, thank you so much for chatting with me about all of this - we’ve discussed a lot and it really has been great, and really interesting to hear your perspective as a Mum which will no doubt be such a common thing in the industry that isn’t spoken about too much either. To round things off, I’d love to hear what you’d like to pass on to any aspiring women and young girls who are looking to pursue their dreams in music.

I think it's so good for girls to hear from other women to just go for it. You know, even if it feels scary, we just need to go ahead and do it anyway and break our way in and get ourselves out there and take over the world. I wish I'd had someone when I was younger to be, like, “I know it's scary, but just do it anyway.” Like with anything, because I've spent so many years just worrying, from all sorts of experiences, like being bullied and stuff, it gradually breaks you down, and it's hard enough being a girl in the world anyway because you're told you need to squash yourself to make room for others. Which is fucking ridiculous! So yeah, I wish I'd had someone, especially like an older female role model to be, like, “just go ahead and do it, girl.” I think that would have benefited me a lot when I was younger and I just hope that something like this reaches even one young girl, you know? To give her that boost.

A huge thank you to Lani for taking the time to chat with me. You can find her on Instagram at @lani.divez and hear music from The DivEz here and new single Fighter on Spotify very soon.

What are your thoughts on the topics discussed? If you have any thoughts on who I should be speaking with next, leave your thoughts in the comments below! I’m really interested in hearing from you about it.

Featured posts:

A Conversation with Lani Hopuare